Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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