if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
