dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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