I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
