how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
