yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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