rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize