I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
