Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
