no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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