S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
