my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
