The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
