I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
two words: eviction party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
