should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
