It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
