That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
