My friends, they love my intelligence
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
