I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
