Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
