I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
