She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
