Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
