I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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