what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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