At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
