she kept yelling 'call me bella'
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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