Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
