I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
