We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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