My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
