You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
