His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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