dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
