I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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