That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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