Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
