i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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