he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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