you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My ATM looks so different sober.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
my liver is dry heaving
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
