He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
