P.S. I can't hear my feet
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Someone came in the potted fern
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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