the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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