Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
