but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
