When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize