Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well you can't waste a boner
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
