I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
