i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
