Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
