Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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