and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
