im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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