i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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