it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
