don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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