My friends, they love my intelligence
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize