8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
