I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
