Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
