first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He kissed a someone with a penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
