In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
