I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
