can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
