dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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