mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
