true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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