if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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