I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
