she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
