I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
