I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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