i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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