new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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