I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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