I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
