My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
