gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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