Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
