Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
