Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
And then he peed in my hair
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