i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
