how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
