i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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