I just pynch a tree in the face
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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