That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
