I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize