how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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