it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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