chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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