OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
