oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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