...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
