Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i will never coherently bang her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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