I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize