dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
