i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
